Best Piece of Advice - RuPaul
I, the fabulous Bobby, was having a bad day at work yesterday, and one of my equally fabulous coworkers sent me this message in an email.
A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience; with a raised glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, ‘half empty or half full?’….. she fooled them all… “How heavy is this glass of water?”, she inquired with a smile.
Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “and that’s the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.”
“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden - holding stress longer and better each time practiced. So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night… pick them up tomorrow.
Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment.
Relax, pick them up later after you’ve rested. Life is short. Enjoy it and the now ‘supposed’ stress that you’ve conquered!”
-Debbie Novotny, Queer As Folk
(I recognize that Debbie may not have been the originator of this statement, however it stuck with me because she said it.)
Anonymous asked the following (it auto posted to my other account damnit)
Okay well I don’t know what to do anymore. My whole family fights constantly. I used to try and stop it, but then they just yelled at me so now I stay quiet. My dad and brother get really angry sometimes and it’s scary because I don’t want them hurting me or my mom. In school, I have like 2 friends, but I can tell they just feel sorry for me because people make fun of me. I’m so tired of everything and its like I want to sleeeeep forever :(
It sounds like you are having a difficult time. The first thing you need to do is figure out what is best for you, and consider your family’s capabilities. Humans are egocentric creatures, everything we do (and I mean everything) stems from selfish desire. Take the time to think about how your family behaves in this context, and realize that you are no different. Now, carefully consider whether your family has a history of violence, if not, then you are perhaps reading more into it than is normal. The problem probably stems more from unhappy marriage than discontent parenthood.
After taking the time to realize yours and their motivations, the next step is to take it beyond the household if necessary, if it’s best for you, and you think best for your mom. The next step for you is to talk to your high school Guidance Counselor, (or even CPS. At best, your parents will straighten their act out quick. At worst, your parents will direct their anger towards you for a little while, and then revert to old behaviors. More than likely, CPS will try to set up family psychiatric sessions. A willingness to go above their heads will show that you mean business [actions speak louder than words])
It sounds like you are subject to abuse (mental abuse). Fear is a type of abuse, and parents who lord it over their children DO NOT deserve to call themselves parents.
Do not be a victim, NO ONE will save you, NO ONE can save you but yourself
IF you feel you don’t have the ability or willingness to handle contacting CPS. Then you need to take measures for your own safety into your own hands (No, don’t buy a weapon). This means keeping yourself separated from your family as much as possible. Join clubs, spend more time studying. If you’re in an urban environment, spend time at the library. If transportation isn’t an option, then spend time outside reading, or otherwise unreachable to your parents unless they specifically need you.
This will give you a certain amount of buffer and the ability to think on your own. With less interaction, they may even learn to appreciate you more.
As far as the sleep thing, DO NOT waste your youth, I’m 23 and I realize how much I took it for granted. NOW is the time to find your passion and explore walks of life that make you happy. The time of self discovery is upon you and you must stand tall and seize it. Don’t stay quiet, find a reason to love your life and then yell it out at the top of your lungs to anyone who will listen.
I guess my real advice is: Don’t leave yourself anything to regret.